Wackadoo Land: Calvin and Hobbes
by TheNewIdea
Summary: In a world where imaginary friends live in a alternate world, Calvin has only one friend- Hobbes. When Calvin finally gets the chance to visit, things aren't as happy as he had hoped- not even close. Welcome to Wackadoo Land, where everything is not what it seems and yet exactly what it needs to be. Rated T for humor, some language, sexual and drug references and imagination.
1. Imaginary Friends 101

Chapter One

Imaginary Friends 101

When you were a kid did you ever have an imaginary friend? For a kid named Calvin, imaginary friends were his only friends. Calvin was a kid who, like many, realized what the world was really like too early. He knew that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were only stories before he was nine; he knew that people couldn't become anything that they wanted to be. That there were no dragons to slay, no princesses to rescue and no magic.

It was quite unfortunate for Calvin that he found this out. But the ironic part was that he had imaginary friends, I mean the word 'imaginary' is in the name. Calvin however, rationalized that imaginary friends were a coping tool for many of lives problems and so he had them.

Sometimes imaginary friends become so powerful that they become real. Meaning that people could interact with them in the real world. This was the case of Hobbes. Now, you might think that a rational child like Calvin wouldn't have an imaginary friend; you might think that a tiger is an odd thing to have for an imaginary friend. You need to put thoughts behind you right now, because it's only going to get worse.

Hobbes lived a place known as Wackadoo Land, of which he was the mailman. Wackadoo Land is the place where all imaginary friends, creatures etc. reside. The thing about Wackadoo Land was that it is different for each individual child. There are four different variations: underwater city, amusement park town, garden, and medieval castle.

Calvin's Wackadoo Land was a combination of all of these themes. Specifically, it was an underwater city with a medieval castle in the center, on the surface was an island which had the amusement park and the garden. It was the ultimate dream land.

Calvin's mother left his father after the last of a series of several drunken episodes. Calvin's mother decided that it would be best if they got away from the city and moved to the countryside of Kansas.

At Kansas, Calvin had lots of free time, for he was homeschooled, and only had classes for about three hours every day. Calvin's mother, Kathy, always tried to do the best for her son, if that meant teaching him herself, that's what she would do.

When class started Calvin would sit in his desk and wait for his mother, who he had to call Mrs. Tweed to make it realistic. Calvin's favorite subject was history, so naturally this was the subject that Calvin's mother taught the least. She wanted to strengthen her son's other struggling areas of math and science before moving on to something that he actually enjoyed. This was almost too much for Calvin to bear, so he repeatedly asked his mother if he could learn more about history. After all, it was in the curriculum of the year and she had to reach it at some point.

After several protests, Calvin's mother gave up and taught history. The trouble was, Calvin's mother didn't know a single thing about history. This became problematic for Calvin's mother. You see, Calvin's mother was a control freak, always having to be right about everything.

"Calvin," She said one afternoon during class, "Name the most distinguished African American fighter pilots during World War II." She choose this question for one reason, Calvin was in the seventh grade- as a result the curriculum did not cover African American history, so it would be impossible for him to answer the question correctly. Calvin, with his head held high answered, "The Tuskegee Airmen. Never lost a plane in any battle against the Japanese forces. They were one of the first groups to be recognized among others, helping to break the racial barriers in the military."

Calvin's mother looked at the answer booklet again and again, making sure not to miss anything that he might have missed. He got the answer 100% correct. It seemed impossible, but he had done it.

Back to Hobbes. When it came to school, Hobbes was a master at almost every subject. Everything from art to history, to math and science and all things in between, he knew about. The only thing that Hobbes didn't know was if he was real or not.

The structure of imaginary friends is actually more complex than it seems. Normally, the imaginary friend or friends are bound by The Six Rules Of Imagination, a system created by a committee of children and all things imaginary.

The Six Rules are very simple. **Rule One**: an imaginary friend cannot be created for the purpose of revenge. **Rule Two**: The imaginary friend must serve the creator's requests, as long as the request is not illegal or harmful to any living thing. **Rule Three**: The creator and the imaginary friend must be compatible. **Rule Four**: An imaginary friend, in regards to Wackadoo Land, can choose not to reside in Wackadoo Land, provided that the creator agrees to the living arrangements. **Rule Five**: If an imaginary friend's existence becomes evident to outside parties, the new party must agree to total secrecy. **Rule Six**: If the new party, in relation to Rule Five, does reveal the existence of the imaginary friend to the outside world, the imaginary friend and the creator will taken to reside in Wackadoo Land and the new parties' memory will be erased.

Hobbes was different. Calvin believed that every person should be allowed to make his/her own decisions, as long as it complied with Rule One and Two, so he gave Hobbes free will. It is this because of this free will that Hobbes is as smart as he is, for Hobbes wanted to be smart enough to help Calvin with virtually every situation thrown at him. This free will, unfortunately, was taken with such aggression that The Council of Imagination, the committee who originally created The Six Rules of Imagination, decreed that no other imaginary friend like Hobbes could ever be created.

Wackadoo Land didn't always exist. Imaginary Friends have been on Earth for centuries, there were no alternate dimensions, no portals to other worlds-it was just Earth. Wackadoo Land was built for a reason, to protect imaginary friends' existence.

There are two kinds of people: those who believe and those who do not. The Believers who are children and those who have the heart of a child and the Non-Believers, known as The Killjoys, are the politicians, the lawyers, the strict adults and those who had no childhood experiences at all. These Killjoys, after many years of digging, discovered that Council of Imagination through hidden cameras, polls and long hours of surveillance. But since they do not believe, all they saw was a bunch of children, having one sided conversations with random chairs around a large round table about a seemingly unimportant issue. The Killjoys became concerned and question the children, "Why were you talking to a chair?" and "What were you doing in that strange room?" to these the children simply replied, "I wasn't talking to chair" and "What strange room?" and the Killjoys believed it.

This was the first step in the realization that they had to create a more secure way to hide the friends; after all they were just inside a large warehouse. So the brainstorming began, and eventually Wackadoo Land was born.


	2. Hobbes

Chapter Two

Hobbes

Every night when Calvin would go to sleep, he would look out of his window. On a good night, Calvin could see all the stars in the sky, but there was one particular star was special. The magic star.

You know how it works; the brightest star in the sky when you look at it is the magic star. It's the one star that every child has ever wished on at some point or another. It was also at this time that Calvin said his evening prayer.

"God" he began, "thank you for everything that you've given me. I know that Grandpa's up there with you. Tell him I said hi." Calvin looked left and right, "Bless my Mom, she's been feeling kind of down lately. Thanks for all the good sunny days here and barely any rain. Lastly, thanks for giving me Hobbes, my one true friend."

Calvin had never prayed for Hobbes, he never thought about it. Calvin didn't really know the reason for why he didn't, for Hobbes was his only friend that he ever had. As Calvin got into bed, he continued to think about this. Hobbes walked over to his bedside.

Calvin's mother was not the type of mother who tucked in and kissed good night, it was just how it was. Calvin didn't mind though, after all his mother did everything she could for him, that was enough. But it was still nice to have that moment, the moment when it's all about you and the rest of the world doesn't matter.

Hobbes had a way with stories. He could say things as if they had happened only a few seconds ago; putting yourself in that situation was cake for him. Hobbes also had a thing with pictures; he could create fantastic images with shadow puppets, an entire landscape with sand, anything that could be imagined he could make with nothing but his own two hands.

Every night right before Calvin would go to bed; Hobbes would entertain his creator one more time before he entered the magical realm of dreams. It was these moments that it seemed as if Hobbes wasn't imaginary at all. The moments when best friends feel like extended members of the family. In this case, it was absolutely true.

Hobbes got on the bed and continued the story from the night before. The story at this point was pretty simple, a prince finds a magic stone that when rubbed grants wishes. The problem is that the stone does the opposite of whatever the bearer wants, but as soon as the bearer figures this out-the stone takes the wishes literally. "Then the prince looked at the stone one more time," Hobbes stooped down as if he were holding a rock, while simultaneously creating the setting of a beach with a flashlight and his left hand. "And said his final wish."

Calvin sat up and looked at Hobbes with eager eyes, "Well, what did he wish for?" Hobbes looked at Calvin lovingly and sighed, "He wished that little boys would go to sleep." Calvin huffed at this, the kind of huff that you would do if you were disappointed at something but still agreed to the terms kind of huff. As Calvin lay down, Hobbes got off the bed and pulled out a large cartoon like zipper. The zipper opened up and just as Hobbes was about to go through, Calvin sat up again, "When can I see it?" he asked. Hobbes looked at him, his eyes shining with anticipation, "Not yet. For now, sing a little song that will make the birds themselves jealous." As soon as they were sure that Calvin was asleep they went through the zipper and closed it shut.

The zipper was a portal to Wackadoo Land, on the other side was a dock at the end of which was a train. This train led to the city of Jessop. Jessop is entirely underwater; a large dome surrounds it protecting it from the water. Its buildings are made of stone, making it similar to a medieval town. There is a river running through street, this river flows into the water surrounding the city. The castle is a large building directly in the center of Jessop.

There are no residents in this castle; it is more of a tourist attraction for creators. It is an exact replica of every medieval castle, when it's in prime. All one would have to do was push a button and the castle of choice would appear. It was quite a thing to be seen, and even more so when it's the castle of King Arthur.

Hobbes was soon on the street. Hobbes looked around and noticed that the street was relatively empty. Strangely happy about this, Hobbes headed for his house, which was right by the stream running down the road. Next to his house, was a large orange fig tree, in which lived his neighbor, Walter the Worm.

Walter the Worm was arguably the worst neighbor in the history of neighbors. He was annoying, asking rhetorical questions expecting an answer, waking people up at 3 am, banging pots together for the sake of making noise, and non stop talking expect for the eight hours of sleep between 10pm and 6am. Those were the only quiet time that Hobbes ever had when he was home, which is why so often that he slept with Calvin.

Hobbes' house was the most unique building, besides the castle in all of Jessop. The thing about Hobbes' house was its bathroom. You'd open the bathroom door to do your business and when you open the door again, instead of a hallway, you're in a blowing alley on the other side of town. This comes in handy when you're the mailman, not just for your Wackadoo Land but_ every_ Wackadoo Land in the entire world. Now this may seem like a lot of work but for an imaginary friend with a bag always full of mail, it takes about three hours.

The trick to this bathroom door was in the doorknob itself. It all depends on how you turn it to where you'll end up. In fact, it wasn't just the doorknob but the bag of mail itself. You see, the bag of mail and the doorknob are connected, so you would only go to places that needed mail to be delivered that day. The question you may be asking is: "If the bag is always full then when do you stop delivering mail?" The answer is in three parts: First the mail is delivered to certain places on certain days at certain times, much like a regular mailman. The second part is that the mail that is left in the bag when the day is done freezes until the day comes for it to be delivered. Finally, when the mail does eventually get low, the bag brings in more mail from The Imaginary Postal Service by way of vacuum in the bottom of the bag.

Other than this bathroom, Hobbes' house is quite ordinary. There is a bedroom, kitchen, living room etc. These rooms have the basic essentials. The bedroom has a bed, dresser, lamp, bedside table. The kitchen has sink, stove, dishwasher, cabinets and refrigerator/freezer. The living room has couch, lamp, coffee table, bookshelf etc. etc. You get the idea, I'm not going to bore you with these details, you should know what's in a kitchen, living room, and bedroom look like without me telling you. If you don't look it up online or in a book like normal people.

The bad part about Hobbes' house was that Hobbes' never knew when to expect company. Random people would pop in at the worst possible times, most famously during a dinner date with his girlfriend, a florist, and during times when he just wanted to be alone after a long day delivering mail.

Hobbes loved his job as a mailman, but his foremost responsibility was to Calvin, for he was created for the sole purpose of being there for him. His job as mailman, thus far has never gotten in the way of that, a surprising feat for someone who has to deliver mail to every single creation created by children from all over the world.

Hobbes sat on his bed and looked out his window. He could see the water surrounding the city and for the first time worried about drowning. Since he was imaginary he didn't need anything to survive, but it was the principle of thing that mattered. Hobbes preferred air to anything else, because at least with air he could speak normally, whereas with water or no atmosphere at all, his voice was distorted and people who lived in those areas had difficulty understanding him.

"I think tomorrow will be the day" he said to himself, referring to taking Calvin to see his own creation of Wackadoo Land. Something that Calvin never got to experience, either because it was restricted to him or Hobbes was hiding something- it was both.

The reason that Hobbes did not want Calvin to see Wackadoo Land was because it isn't his original design. It was changed by The Council for being too creative. It is ironic but Calvin's Wackadoo Land was close to breaking the rules, so it had to be modified.

The original version of Jessop and its surrounding areas was not altered one bit; it was the connection to the other Wackadoo Lands that made it a problem. You see, Calvin's had an international connection system between every Wackadoo Land in the entire world. This was cut out for one reason. If the connection system stayed there would be potential threat for other imaginary friends to enter Jessop. Some imaginary friends were created only following the bare minimum requirements for creation and thus were labeled as dangerous and a threat to the community.

If this connection system were active it would allow the dangerous friends to escape to other Wackadoo Lands, causing destruction and mayhem across the world. If this continued for a long enough periods, the imaginary friends themselves would become corrupt, bringing about the worst qualities in human beings and destroying the world views of children everywhere.

Hobbes slept comfortably for about three hours, until Walter woke up at 3am, for no reason. "Alright tiger! It's time to get up. You know the old saying-" Hobbes poked his head out from his window, "You finish that sentence and I'll feed you to my parrot, Walter." Walter, who was not looking forward to eaten, having much preferred to be alive slowly moved towards the door. "Ha, ha!" he said nervously, "You wouldn't do that to me would you? After all what are friends for?" It was at this moment that Hobbes threw a plant pot at Walter, "Shut up Walter" Hobbes shouted, "It's 3 am!" Walter made his way from inside the fig, for he had entered it upon impact, and to the surface, "One of these days, Hobbes!" he said to the tiger that was no longer listening, and went back inside his home. "Finally" Hobbes replied under his breath," Maybe now I can get some sleep."

As soon as Hobbes got in bed, the phone rang, causing him to get up and answer it. "Hello?" he said groggily, "Hobbes? It's me Calvin..." Hobbes groaned, it was too late for this, "What do you want Calvin?" Hobbes asked annoyingly as he climbed back in his bed, "I told you to only call this number in case of an emergency." Calvin nodded, "It is an emergency!" he cried. Hobbes immediately tensed up and reached for his back pocket, where he kept his zipper. "I'm lonely and can't go to sleep" Calvin continued. Hobbes relaxed, relived to find that it was only sleep deprivation and loneliness. "Listen kid" Hobbes began, "I can't make it back. The zipper's broke." Calvin sighed, extremely disappointed. Hobbes hated lying to Calvin, but there were limits as to how much he was willing to be there for his creator and 3am was definitely one of those limits. "Can you at least tell me a story?" Calvin asked hopefully.

"Now that I can do" Hobbes exclaimed as he situated himself comfortably on the bed, "So what strikes your fancy?" Hobbes continued, "Aladdin's Magical Lamp, The Three Musketeers, Hamlet or The Explanation of Einstein's Theory or Relativity?" The last one he obviously threw in as a joke, but Calvin choose it even so. Hobbes sighed, "You're killing me here Calvin. You really are. Please pick something simpler, you know I'm a simple guy!" Calvin laughed, "Okay then. How about your story?" he asked. Hobbes raised his eyebrows in confusion, "My story? You already know my story, you created me!" Calvin laughed, "I created you as you are. But you existed before then remember? You were kinda like a stuffed animal Hobbes. I just took that and used it as a basis."

This information troubled Hobbes greatly, so much so that for several minutes he was speechless. "Hobbes?" Calvin said through the receiver, "you there?" Hobbes nodded by said nothing, "Y-y-yeah I'm here" the tiger finally answered, "So...you want to know my story huh?" Calvin nodded excitedly, but before he could get an answer, Hobbes hung up the phone.

Hobbes stared at the door for several minutes, for the first time he questioned his existence. He thought about it for several minutes, but ultimately he came up with nothing. Hobbes tried to go back to sleep, but his efforts were futile, for in addition to his mind now being blogged with questions, Walter had begun his usual ranting at the world.


	3. The Most Awesome Thing That Could Happen

Chapter Three

The Most Awesome Thing That Could Happen

Calvin got up that day with particular eagerness. It wasn't that he was expecting anything exciting to happen as the title of this chapter suggests, it was just a Friday. But since Calvin was homeschooled, he didn't have the luxury of enjoying Fridays like normal children do when they know it's their break, at least for two days from the institution that is so often compared to a prison by the unruly kids known as school.

No, Calvin got up because he knew that Friday was the day that his mother would stop being a teacher and become Mom. Friday was field trip day. Every Friday, Calvin got to go to someplace new, sometimes Hobbes came along, and sometimes he didn't. A kid does need time alone after all.

On this particular day, Calvin and his mother were going to the zoo. Any other kid wouldn't be all that excited about it, after all what's so interesting about being in a place full of animals if you can't touch them? But Calvin was a different kind of thinker, out of all the subjects and things in the world, the thing that Calvin kept close to his heart was wildlife and the creatures that inhabit it. So it was with this that Calvin decided to become a nature photographer/explorer.

The zoo was like any normal run of the mill zoo. It had the lions, the elephants, the polar bears etc. the exception to this zoo was its owner, Mr. Avery Johnson. Avery Johnson was one of the richest men in the county, owning half the McDonalds, his own clothing line, and is manufacturer of all the bread and wheat, which in Kansas is a big deal.

Avery Johnson always wore the most expensive and most ridiculous outfits the world has ever seen. He never seemed to go anywhere without his lucky neon green hat, which reminded everyone of Kermit The Frog's urine, as if they knew what color that was to begin with. He also had a orange and black jacket with red striped pants. If this wasn't enough to look like a circus clown he had on glasses that made him look exactly like Groucho Marx. In short he looked like a deranged Willy Wonka, which is a statement in itself.

As Avery walked around his zoo with this ridiculous outfit that most people would either laugh or vomit at the sight of, Calvin and his mother came up to the elephant exhibit. Avery had a certain walk; he put his left leg just slightly before his right and began to hop. In was in this manner that he came upon Calvin. "How are you today, young man? Are you enjoying the zoo?" He said with his childlike attitude. Now most mothers would probably hide their children from a man who dresses like a circus clown for no particular reason, but not Calvin's, "Hello Mister Johnson," Calvin said with his usual polite but quite voice, "I'm sorry son, you're going to have to speak up. I can't hear you." Avery spoke loudly, hoping that Calvin would get the message.

Unfortunately for him, Calvin was not much of a talker, especially to people like Avery Johnson. So it was that Hobbes appeared to save the day.

Hobbes looked at Avery, _"Maybe I should take this guy with me."_ he thought to himself, _"He looks like a wacky kind of guy."_ Calvin was also examining Avery, "Who dressed this guy?" he whispered as he turned to Hobbes who only laughed "A clown apparently" he answered. "I was going to say you," Calvin replied, "But clown works just as well." Now Avery was completely oblivious, him being a Killjoy, to Hobbes, which is surprising considering how he dresses, but then again, he's rich- and rich people 85% of the time are completely insane.

Calvin looked at his mother, then at Avery and then back at Hobbes, making Avery and his mother extremely confused, for to them, he was talking to no one. Hobbes leaned over and spoke to him, "Remember Speech Lessons 101?"Hobbes asked with Calvin nodding in reply, "Good, then this should be easy." Calvin raised his head, just like Hobbes taught him, and looked Avery dead in the eye, "I'm doing great," Calvin said nervously; Hobbes shook his head, "Say it with confidence Calvin. Confidence" Calvin clutched his fists and raised them, almost as if he ready to fight Avery, and punched him in the face.

Avery, who was now down on the ground, glasses and hat off, was screaming in pain at his broken nose and bewildered that a kid had punched him in the face for no reason whatsoever. Hobbes looked at Calvin, "What was that! You punched the guy in the face!" Calvin was shaking, "I was only doing what you told me to do!" he answered, to the point of crying. "What!" Hobbes exclaimed with confusion, "When did I ever say punch the guy! I said speak with confidence." Calvin shook his head in disagreement, "You said that whenever I speak with confidence to feel empowered and punch the sky, I had no intention of hitting the guy's face."

Avery stood up, nose bleeding looked at Calvin. He looked at him harder than he had anyone in his entire life, almost as if he were a pedophile taking Calvin into his very soul. "_He's one of them..."_ He thought to himself, _"I must report this...but how, there are too many people."_ Avery looked around, picked up his hat. "It's alright, son. Accidents happen" Avery said as he put his hat on, brushed off his coat, waved goodbye to them both and headed off to the men's bathroom.

The men's bathroom was filthy; one of the stalls was covered in feces from a group of drunks. The mirrors were so cracked that you couldn't see out of them and the smell of the place made you want to never eat anything for the rest of your life. But despite this disgusting atmosphere, it was here that Avery went and it was here that he made contact with The Killjoys.

Avery pulled out his phone and dialed the ten digit number created for The Killjoys organization, PAAIRL: Parents Association Against Imaginary Friends. Why a ten digit number? Because they could have one, that's why. When the number picked up Avery was in so much of a hurry that he could barely speak, "Listen, I just encountered one...yes I'm sure...Really? Okay boss, I'll get it done...what about the mother...I'm not great with women sir...yes I would most certainly like to keep my head...okay sir, if you say so...sorry sir."

As Avery hung up the phone he realized where he was and threw up on the floor, before slipping and falling into it. He stood up, covered in his own vomit, washed himself off as best he could and left the room.

Avery's boss was a man known as Mister X. Mister X's description is unknown, because he never, not even as a child, revealed his face. Some say he was born as a hideous monster, others say a radioactive accident, what the real story is can never be known, so stick with the one you like best. Mister X's voice is also something to question, for it sounds nothing like a normal human's. It is raspy, slurred, unintelligent, lisped and has an obviously fake Spanish accent. The worst combinations ever.

"You're positive" Mister X whispered on the other end, " Get them on this, we need-..Do anything you have to...Get it done or I'll-...Don't mock me idiot..." Mister X hung up the phone and as he did so, he began to think why he hired Avery in the first place. "_It's obvious isn't it...to find the children we've been looking for..." _As he looked out the window of the small dark room that made up his chambers he began to plot. It was indeed a good plot, one that would change the course of history, but I don't want to spoil it for you.

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were looking at the animals, when Avery returned. He had a smile on his face that was unsettling and knowing, it was a smile that made Calvin feel violated and made Hobbes crunch his head inside of himself.

"I don't like that guy's face." Hobbes exclaimed as he stared at Avery, _"I know what you mean" _the inner voice inside of Hobbes answering him back, _"it seems off somehow." Avery _pulled out a bag, a bag big enough to put a small child in, and reached for Calvin. "Not so fast, sir" Hobbes yelled as he grabbed Avery's arm, "You forgot one thing..." Hobbes licked his finger and rubbed Avery's eyes with it. "There you go," Hobbes said with a laugh.

Avery rubbed his eyes once more, and staring him right in the face was Hobbes. He could see him, could see him laughing at him. Avery did not like to be laughed at, in fact he hated it. Avery lifted the bag, this time going for Hobbes. Hobbes snapped his fingers and almost by magic, Avery's bag turned into Hobbes's. With another snap of the finger, Hobbes's bag was back in his possession.

Avery stopped; he could not believe what he was seeing. It was almost unbelievable, but he could see it. Hobbes, seeing that Avery was distracted took the moment to pull out the letter. It was addressed to his house, he looked to Calvin, "You ready?" Calvin knew what was coming next, "Really? I get to see it?" Hobbes nodded, "It's high time you see your own creation."

With those words Avery snapped out of his trance, and began to walk towards Calvin. Just as he was about to grab him, Calvin opened the letter and they disappeared.


	4. Calvinball and Cookies

**Warning: Some sexual and drug references**

Chapter Four

Calvinball and Cookies

Calvin and Hobbes appeared almost instantly in Jessop. The streets were filled with various imaginaries, all of them at one point Calvin's creation. Even Walter was there sitting on a small bench, waiting to see what was going to happen.

Calvin looked around; he recognized every one of them. There was Yutz, a large purple and slightly furrier version of Big Bird and Animal mixed together. Yutz was Calvin's second creation, he frequently comes to Calvin's assistance, but lately he's been busy being mayor of Jessop, something that he takes very seriously ensuring a fair ruling for every citizen, including Walter.

"Well as I live and breathe" Yutz exclaimed as he walked up to Calvin, shaking his hand violently, "It's been a long time boy!" Calvin laughed, remembering that Yutz was a people person, "Yutz!" he said, as he pulled him into a hug, "How have you been?" Yutz broke the hug and smiled; "I've been great" he turned to Hobbes, "Trying to keep this guy out of trouble is getting harder every day." Hobbes shrugged, "What are you goanna do huh?" Yutz pulled out a cane and hit Hobbes on the head as hard as he could, "Hey what gives Yutz!" he yelled, clutching his head, "What'd I do?" Yutz huffed, "You didn't bring him soon enough."

Hobbes huffed, "As if that's my fault? I was busy." Yutz nodded, not really believing him, "Uh-huh. Sure, what were you doing?" Hobbes pulled out a letter and handed it to Yutz, "My job" Hobbes replied, "that came in for you three days ago." Yutz smiled, "Thanks. I was out on a business trip." Hobbes raised his eyebrows, "Does business mean business or does business mean seeing your girlfriend?" Yutz yawned nonchalantly, "Who says it can't be both?" Hobbes sighed, "Yeah, and I'm the one who causes trouble."

Calvin pulled out a soccer ball, "Hey Hobbes" he said, "Wanna play Calvinball?" Hobbes turned towards Calvin, in truth, the last thing that Hobbes wanted to do was play Calvinball, but then he remembered his promise that he made long ago when he decided to take Calvin on. "Alright" Hobbes said as he leaned down and took the ball from Calvin's hands, "What are the rules this time?" he asked. Calvin lifted his head up as if in deep thought, "How about you can't touch the ground." Hobbes smiled, put his fingers together and whistled, causing Calvin and himself to levitate up in the air. "How's that for not touching the ground?" Hobbes asked, "How?" Calvin exclaimed, "This is impossible!" Hobbes rolled his eyes, "Kid, look around you. I think we've passed impossibilities a long time ago."

Calvin laughed as he ran towards Hobbes, who proceeded to pass the ball towards Calvin, who kicked it towards Yutz, who upon catching it, only stood there looking stupid. Hobbes and Calvin looked at each other and then tackled Yutz, picking him up and throwing him in the stream. Yutz then stood up and threw the ball at Hobbes, landing it square in the tiger's face. "Good" Hobbes said as he whistled again, causing Yutz to levitate, "Welcome to the Calvinball tourney." Yutz looked around and saw a large baseball bat, he then swung at Calvin, "Three points for the kid's head!" he screamed as he ran towards Calvin, who ducked and pulled out a crochet mallet that he conveniently had in his back pocket for just such an occasion. Calvin saw a bucket that was sitting on top of a box next to Hobbes, pulling out a second ball, while at the same time dodging Yutz yet again, Calvin aimed the ball for the basket and swung.

Hobbes seeing the ball, picked up the basket and held it like a catcher's mitt and began shouting like a sports announcer "It's the bottom of the ninth...Calvin has just made the final shot, if he makes this he wins the Calvinball tourney. Will he make it? Only the next few seconds will tell." Just as the ball was about to fall short, Hobbes caught it and slammed it in the basket, creating a large hole in the bottom of it. "And that's the game folks!" Hobbes declared, "Calvin has just won the Calvinball Tourney, along with a fifty dollar reward and a large triple hot fudge sundae after dinner." As soon as he said this, Hobbes whistled again, bringing them all back to the ground. Calvin walked over, his eyes beaming with excitement at the prospect of fifty dollars. Hobbes rolled his eyes and reached for his wallet, pulling out a hundred dollar bill. "Can you break this?" Hobbes asked jokingly, Calvin smiled, "Are you kidding? I can't even break fifty! The most I got is five cents." Hobbes laughed heartedly, "Well now you have one hundred and five cents. Take care of it now, money don't grow on trees."

Calvin nodded as he put the money in his small wallet that he kept with him. Yutz sighed deeply, "Well boys" he said, "It's been fun. But I've got mayoral things to take care of." Yutz walked down the street, heading towards the castle, "Hey Hobbes" Yutz called as he turned around, "Yeah?" the tiger returned, "Say hi to Tamilia for me!" Hobbes nodded, "I'll be sure to do that Yutz."

Calvin raised his eyebrows in confusion, "Who's Tamilia?" he asked. Hobbes shook his head, "Tamilia's my girlfriend Calvin." Calvin took Hobbes paw as they began to walk down the street, "You have a girlfriend?" Calvin continued, "When did this happen?" Hobbes shrugged, "Can't remember honestly. I was too focused on her to even remember what day it was." Calvin nodded, "So when can I meet her?" he asked somewhat eagerly, Hobbes laughed once again, " She's coming over to dinner tomorrow night, you can meet then." Calvin hung his head in disappointment, "But I have night school tomorrow remember?" Hobbes sighed deeply, remembered Calvin's mother's new system. "Can't you just skip it?" Hobbes replied, trying to give Calvin a second option. Calvin shook his head in disagreement, "But you're the one who's always telling me to stay in school so that I won't become a socialist fascist who-" Hobbes cut him off with a paw over Calvin's mouth, "I never said that!" he cried, "I love the socialists!" he continued nervously, "they're my friends." Calvin laughed at this as Hobbes removed his paw, "What about all those anti socialist rallies that you went to two years ag-" Hobbes stopped him once again and leaned in, "Be quiet Calvin...they're watching us!" Hobbes looked around suspiciously and moved forward still holding Calvin's mouth shut until he reached his front door.

"So this is your house?" Calvin asked, stating the obvious, Hobbes rolled his eyes as he pulled out his keys, "Yes Calvin" he answered annoyingly; "this is my house. Do you have any more obvious questions that need answering?" Calvin smirked, "No I'm good." Just as they were about to go inside, Walter appeared, "Well, well" the worm began, "what do we have here? It looks like a violation of the Imagination Code, Rule 75." Hobbes huffed, "Oh shut up Walter! I told you, there's no such thing as the Imagination Code." Walter laughed, "Yet. There's no such thing as the Imagination Code yet. But there will be. As soon I send this to a publisher" Walter pulled out a ridiculous large book, almost five inches thick, "it will be required reading for every imaginary in all of Wackadoo. You wait and see." Hobbes nodded sarcastically, "That Code of yours is bullshit Walter. You're just doing it to annoy people." Calvin moved forward towards Walter, "I'd like to hear it" he started to say before Hobbes hushed him again, "No you don't!" he stated quickly as he pushed Calvin inside the house.

Walter laughed, "Seems that someone is overprotective." Hobbes turned back to Walter, "Walter, you say another word and I'm going to send you to another dimension!" Walter shrank back at this, but still held his ground, "Oh, I see" Walter replied, "you're jealous because the boy actually wanted to listen to what I had to say aren't you?" Hobbes immediately grabbed Walter and brought him close to his face, "Listen to me you annoying pompous prick" Hobbes began, "If you're going to fill Calvin's head, at least fill it with something useful. You're good at telling lies, teach him to lie, teach him to cheat, teach him to steal for Christ's sake. But don't, for the love of God, please don't make him you. Calvin doesn't need your political views thrown at him and he certainly doesn't need a dissertation on imaginaries." Walter huffed, "Why not?" he asked. Hobbes snorted in Walter's face, "Because idiot. The Council specifically said that creators can't know everything about their friends. To protect them once the creators become too old, remember?" Walter nodded, remembering the bylaws, "What does that mean for you Hobbes?" Walter asked sincerely, "You're pretty attached to Calvin. What are you going to do when he grows up?" Hobbes sighed deeply, for Calvin growing up was the last thing that he wanted to think about, "I don't know Walter. Probably do what I always do- deliver mail."

Hobbes placed Walter back in his tree. Walter turned around to leave, but before he left completely he spoke again, "Hobbes the mailman. Is that all you're going to be when this is over?" Hobbes shrugged, "What else would I be?" Walter laughed heartedly, "I was thinking Mayor of Jessop, or perhaps Grand Chairman of the Council. Yeah that's it- Hobbes the Tiger, Grand Chairman of the Council." Hobbes rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, "Thanks Walter...you're still a pompous, annoying prick, but thanks." Walter smiled, "That's okay" he answered, "It's what I'm here for."

Hobbes walked into his house to find Calvin jumping on the couch and screaming like a banshee. Hobbes could only assume one thing; Calvin had found his secret cookie jar at the top of the refrigerator. Why were they a secret? Hobbes made cookies with a special ingredient, a tiger sedative, that upon eating it made him extremely relaxed, raising his testosterone and causing him to become hyper aware. _"Great"_ Hobbes thought to himself, _"I'm goanna have to have The Talk now. Every parent's nightmare!"_ Hobbes stopped himself, for even though he didn't say anything, he just realized that in his head, he called himself Calvin's parent. Hobbes looked up at the ceiling and proceeded to have a conversation with the voice in his head, "What are you doing?" Hobbes asked, _"The same thing that you're doing"_ the voice answered, _"Looking up at the ceiling and trying to think of ways to avoid The Talk with Calvin."_ Hobbes nodded to himself, "Good" he continued, "then maybe you can give me some advice?" he asked hopefully. The voice only laughed, _"Afraid not. I'm just as clueless as you are."_ Hobbes huffed, "Some conscious you are!" the voice laughed again, _"Isn't that a paradox, the conscious having a conscious?"_ Hobbes shrugged, "Again, not a conscious-imaginary friend. There's a difference." The voice huffed, _"its apples and oranges Hobbes. Apples and oranges."_

Hobbes stopped talking to his head and turned to Calvin, who was still jumping on the couch, now sporting a small mustache and his arms covered in small hairs. Looking down, Hobbes saw that Calvin's hand was also in his pants, moving sporadically. "Hey Hobbes?" Calvin asked as he looked down at his hand, "What exactly am I doing? Cause whatever it is I like it." Hobbes was about to throw up, he could only imagine what real parents had to go through. "Umm" Hobbes began awkwardly, "That's called masturbating Calvin, and it's a very, very bad thing." Calvin immediately stopped, but the jumping still continued, "You see" Hobbes continued, "when you're older your body starts to change and-" Calvin began laughing, cutting Hobbes off, "You're funny" he exclaimed as his head became heavy and fell to the ground, "Very funny."

Hobbes rushed over and pulled Calvin to his feet, only for him to fall once again, "You okay Calvin?" Hobbes asked, concern showing in his voice, "Me?" Calvin answered hazily, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just a little woozy, I think I'm goanna take a nap now...good night Mom!" Hobbes rolled his eyes as Calvin slammed his head on the floor, obviously still under the effects of the sedative.

Hobbes made a mental note never to make cookies again, or at least to keep them out of Calvin's reach.


	5. The Big Lebowski

Chapter Five

The Big Lebowski

Calvin woke up inside Hobbes bedroom; he noticed that Hobbes was nowhere to be found, "Hobbes?" he called, "Where'd you go?" Calvin heard a slight growl coming from the kitchen, assuming that it was Hobbes; Calvin got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen.

Hobbes was sitting at the kitchen looking periodically between his watch and his newspaper that he was reading. "Hey Calvin" Hobbes said, sensing that the boy was in the room, "did you know that the Moon is shrinking? Apparently by 55 centimeters every year! Isn't that interesting?" Calvin shrugged, "I guess so Hobbes..." Calvin sat down at the kitchen table and patiently waited. Hobbes looked up from his paper and saw Calvin twiddling with his thumbs, "Well?"" the boy began, "where's breakfast?" Hobbes laughed to himself, forgetting for a moment that Calvin required food every single day in order to survive. Hobbes stood up and walked over to the stove and opened it, grabbing the pot that he kept inside along with a large spoon. The tiger walked over to the fridge, grabbed seven eggs and a slice of ham and cheese and began making his signature omelet.

As Calvin waited eagerly for his omelet, he realized that he had to go to the bathroom, "Hey where's your bathroom?" he asked. Hobbes pointed to the kitchen wall, indicating that it was behind the kitchen. Calvin stood up from the table and walked towards the bathroom. Upon reaching the door, Calvin saw that it was just an ordinary bathroom; he closed the door and did his business.

Just as Calvin was washing his hands, Hobbes opened the door, Calvin's omelet plate in one hand, his mailbag slung over his shoulder and his work hat on his head. Calvin was confused as to why Hobbes was there to begin with, "What are you doing?" he asked as he dried his hands with his shirt. Hobbes laughed and flipped a switch on the wall, in an instant, the bathroom turned from a bathroom to an office. In the middle of the room was a large desk, a computer, a printer and a wastebasket were on and/or near the desk. On the far wall was a single filing cabinet, the back wall had a large window that looked out at the water that surrounded Jessop. Hobbes smiled, saying nothing and turned the handle on the doorknob.

As soon as Hobbes opened the door, they were standing in a large bowling alley. "Where exactly are we Hobbes?" Calvin asked, still in the middle of eating the omelet, "Kid" Hobbes answered, "This is Charlie's place." Hobbes walked over to the middle of the room and began looking around for Charlie, "Charlie?" he called, "Where are you, you sick bastard?" A small audible growl was his response, turning around Hobbes was met with a large snow leopard wearing a black bow tie around his neck and a top hat, "Did you call me?" it said. Hobbes laughed, "No" he answered sarcastically, "I was calling Charlie Tuna, of course you idiot!" Charlie returned Hobbes' laugh, "You treating my sister well?" he asked more seriously. Hobbes nodded, "Yes Charlie, Tamilia's fine" Hobbes pulled out a large box, "Here's your mail."

Calvin meanwhile was busy whistling to himself, "Hey Calvin" Hobbes called, "come over here!" Calvin lazily walked over; intimating Hobbes' walking style, "Yeah?" the boy asked shortly, "What is it?" Charlie extended his hand to Calvin, "So you're Calvin, eh?" he exclaimed as Calvin took his hand and shook it to the best of his ability, "Well it's good to get a face to face. Hobbes told me all about you boy. Oh yes, all about you." the last part Charlie said as if he had been stalking Calvin in secret, for it was low and gurgled. "Nice to meet you Charlie" Calvin answered innocently, "so what do you do here?" Charlie looked at Hobbes with a 'He did not just ask me that' expression, Hobbes returned it. Charlie sighed deeply, "This is my bowling alley Calvin. You know where I can run things...watch people bowl..." it was extremely awkward for him to continue for he had never met a person who didn't know what a person did in a bowling alley, "Are you stupid or something kid? It's a blowing alley, what do you think people do!" Calvin laughed, "I don't know. Go bowling I guess."

Charlie and Hobbes both let out a sigh of relief, Charlie patted Hobbes on the back and leaned in, "I'm so sorry" he whispered, "Yeah" Hobbes replied, "me too." Charlie shook Calvin's hand again and turned back towards Hobbes, "Just do me a favor Hobbes" he said, his voice all business, "Don't break Tamilia's heart. She's had too much pain already ever since Tommy...you know what she's expecting right?" Hobbes nodded and looked back at Calvin, "I know Charlie. When this is all over. I promised her that, my first and foremost responsibility is to Calvin, as soon as he-" He couldn't finish his sentence, for he had begun to tear up, but even so, Hobbes continued, "grows up...Tamilia will be all that matters."

Calvin picked up a bowling ball and walked over to the one of the lanes. He threw it down the lane, but accidently brought himself along with it. "Hobbes!" Calvin screamed as he flew towards the rack that reset the pins, "Help me!" Hobbes ran out on the lane, only to slip and slide towards the rack. Charlie ran to the back room to try and stop the machine. Calvin and Hobbes' heads were now in place of the pins, caught in the machines, "Charlie!" Hobbes yelled, "get us out of here man!" Charlie nodded as he began pressing buttons on the control pad on the back wall. "Nothing's working man!" Charlie exclaimed, "Let me try something else" Charlie then ran to a storage closet. Calvin was almost choking, Hobbes whistled and instantly a large cartoonish hand appeared. The hand moved around to Calvin's backside and began pulling, but to no avail.

Charlie returned with a crowbar. The resetting machine moved up and down forcefully, trying to get Calvin and Hobbes' head to cooperate with its demands. "Charlie!" Hobbes screamed again, as he looked towards Calvin, whose face was now blue, "Do something man! He's dying here!" Charlie jammed the crowbar at the machine's joint and pulled down with all he had, but again his efforts were futile. Suddenly, the machine stopped, and like a weight at a gym, dropped to the ground. Charlie and Hobbes followed the machine's wire and found it unplugged at its end, holding the plug was Tamilia.

Calvin crawled out from underneath the machine, Hobbes was immediately at his side, "You alright Calvin?" he asked, close to having a heart attack. Calvin nodded as his face returned to its normal color. "Yeah I'm fine" Calvin answered, his voice extremely hoarse, "Fine" Tamilia exclaimed as she walked forward, "Your face was bluer than a blueberry, kid. You gotha be more careful around here." Hobbes immediately stood up and brushed himself off and turned towards Calvin, "Calvin...this is Tamilia." Calvin looked her over, his eyes squinting as he did so, "Hmmm" Calvin said aloud, "she looks like a bitch." Hobbes' and Charlie's mouth were agape at this, "Calvin!" Hobbes screamed, "Are you trying to get me killed here!" Calvin shrugged, "What? I'm only observing what you taught me, that girls who have low paying jobs have no respect and girls who have no respects are whores and all whores are bitches."

Hobbes slapped himself in the face; he couldn't believe that this was happening. "Please this end quickly" Hobbes said to no one in particular. Hobbes' inner voice joined in the conversation; _"Dude you gotha shut that brat up! He'll ruin your chance with Tamilia..."_ Hobbes cut himself, "Don't you think I know that! Now shut up inner voice, I'm thinking." Hobbes' inner voice wasn't done yet however, _"Tamilia sure is a dame isn't she? What a dame, what a dame!" _Hobbes smiled to himself, "Yeah, what a dame indeed."

Calvin extended his hand towards Tamilia in greeting, apparently making amends for his comment, "Nice to meet yah. I'm the President of GROSS." Tamilia raised her eyebrows at this, "GROSS? What is that?" Calvin puffed up his chest proudly and answered her, "Get Rid Of Slimy-" before he could finish Hobbes tackled him to the ground and dragged him around the nearest corner.

"Hey what gives Hobbes?" Calvin asked, "I was telling her about GROSS!" Hobbes was fuming, his fur was mangled in random directions, his claws were out, he was breathing heavily and sweat was rolling down his neck and chest. "Calvin" Hobbes said sternly, as he got directly in Calvin's face, "don't ever talk about GROSS here. Ever! Understand me?" Calvin shook his head, "Why not Hobbes?" Hobbes grabbed Calvin's shirt collar and pinned up against the wall, lifting him up to his eyelevel, "Because Calvin! I happen to like Tamilia. A lot actually, and GROSS kinda gets in the way of that." Calvin laughed, "I thought you liked Susie?" Hobbes was close to punching Calvin in the face, but restrained himself, "Susie was just a-a-a" Hobbes was searching for the right words, "Hell, I'll just say, Susie was a bitch alright!" Calvin laughed again, Hobbes still held Calvin against the wall and three feet in the air, "How much do you like her anyway?"

Hobbes already knew the answer to this question, but he couldn't say it at normal speaking voice, for fear that Tamilia might hear. Leaning in, Hobbes gave his answer, "Enough to give her a box with a ring inside Calvin." Calvin huffed at this, "I'm sorry Hobbes" he said smugly, "I couldn't hear you, please speak up." Hobbes gritted his teeth, "You heard me Calvin. I said I want to marry her!" Calvin brought his hand to his ear and leaned in closer, "I'm sorry, you're going to have to speak up; I'm a little deaf in this ear." Hobbes was done holding back; he raised his fist and punched Calvin in the face, giving him a black eye and dropping Calvin to the ground. "I said, I want to marry Tamilia okay!" Hobbes accidently screamed this last part, "Ah shit" he continued in the same tone. Hobbes turned back to Calvin, who was laughing as he lay on the ground, "And you call yourself the First Tiger of GROSS? You make me sick Hobbes." Hobbes was more than furious, he was enraged, every bone in his body wanted to rip Calvin in two, but he knew that if he did, he would never be able to forgive himself. Hobbes pulled out the zipper and opened it, the zipper hole looked inside Calvin's bedroom. Hobbes only pointed towards the hole, standing up Calvin looked at Hobbes, "But what about going on the mail route?" he asked. Hobbes simply shook his head, his head was still thinking of how he could murder Calvin on the spot, but his heart was crying, embarrassed and broken at his confession that thankfully, no one heard but Calvin. "Just get out of here Calvin" Hobbes said solemnly, "Your mother's probably worried sick about you anyways." Calvin tried to protest once more but Hobbes shot him a look that shut him up, "I'm sorry Hobbes" Calvin said apologetically, "I shouldn't have pressed. Can you forgive me?" Hobbes stared at Calvin in silence, just as Calvin was about to go through, Hobbes gave his answer, "Tomorrow I can forgive you...But don't even think about calling me. I'll be with Tamilia on our date and if you do I'll just ignore it." Calvin nodded in understanding and stepped through the zipper.

Hobbes closed the zipper and placed it back in his pocket. He then made his way around the corner, gave his goodbyes to both Tamilia and Charlie and headed back to his bathroom to finish his mail route.


	6. They're Called Killjoys for a Reason

Chapter Six

They're Called Killjoys for a Reason

Two weeks later...

Calvin sat nervously by the phone. It had been his fourth call in the past ten minutes alone and Hobbes hadn't answered the phone. "Come on Hobbes" Calvin said to himself in desperation, "I said I was sorry what more do you want!" At that moment, a large zipper appeared, out of it came Hobbes' arm, which began searching for Calvin. Calvin walked over, causing Hobbes to yank him violently up and pull him into the zipper, almost choking Calvin on his shirt collar as he was dragged back into Wackadoo Land.

Hobbes was on the other side in the middle of the bowling alley, holding Calvin up away from his body as if he were a fish. "Hobbes!" Calvin exclaimed, as he attempted to hug his tiger who just as quickly dropped him on the ground and embraced him, "I'm sorry Hobbes" Calvin continued, "I really am. I promise I won't get in the way of you and Tamilia, I won't mention GROSS or any of that okay?" Hobbes simply smiled and ruffled Calvin's hair, "Now why would I want you do that? It's who you are." Calvin stared at him with confusion, "But what about Tam-?" Hobbes cut him off before he could finish, "Don't worry about it Calvin. We had a long mull over it, a long mull. Everything's cool."

In truth Calvin was just thankful that things smoothed over so easily, he was afraid that Hobbes was going to maul him. Instead, Hobbes pulled out a Hershey bar, "Let's play Calvinball" Hobbes said excitedly, "the Wackadoo way." Calvin shrugged, "Okay, how do you play it the Wackadoo way?" Hobbes stared at him as if he were a mental patient, "Seriously? You forgot the most important rule. There's no right way to play it and it's different every time. What's not hard to follow? The only difference is that the Wackadoo way is in Wackadoo. That's it. Everything else is the same."Calvin took a bite of the Hershey bar as Hobbes pulled out a large soccer ball. While Calvin was eating, Hobbes lobbed the ball his way, "Calvinball!" he screamed, and the game had begun.

Hobbes' bathroom was located on the other side of the room. Hobbes ran inside but before he could close the door, Calvin had made his way inside. Hobbes immediately turned around, "This is a safe area Calvin. If you're ever in danger, make your way to this bathroom. I'll find you okay?" Calvin nodded in understanding as Hobbes turned the doorknob.

They found themselves on the surface above Jessop just on the verge of a large amusement park. The rollercoaster, affectionately named ROAR due to the sound that it made during its launch sequence, was happily allowing its passengers off and on, and practically shook in its blots and boots when he saw Calvin. Calvin saw this and patted the gentle giant lovingly, "How we doing today?" Calvin asked. ROAR simply smiled open mouth like and opened his gate, patiently waiting for Calvin and Hobbes to board him. Hobbes turned towards ROAR, "Take it easy the first time around okay?" ROAR continued smiling and moved his gate slightly, begging Calvin to get on. Hobbes though, gave ROAR a death stare, "ROAR, I know. You haven't seen him since he was five years old and I know that you miss. But you have to promise me that you'll take it easy okay?" ROAR let out a huge sigh and gently complied.

Getting in ROAR, Calvin looked up at the track, the first hill was an almost vertical 90 degrees, this led directly to a loop and a corkscrew before it reached the top of the hill and made it's sharp descent into a large tunnel full of banks, more corkscrews, a big loop, three smaller ones in rapid succession before making a final bank out of the tunnel, which wrapped up and around to the left. Almost as soon as the car exited out of the tunnel it would hit a switch, sending the cars from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds, then a series of small hills bringing it back down to the ground and a small turn that slowed it down until it finally reached the entrance gate once again.

Hobbes strapped himself in and patiently waited for ROAR to begin. Calvin turned towards Hobbes, "Ain't this neat Hobbes?" Hobbes nodded in agreement, feeling a bit nervous, "Yeah" he said, "real neat." At that moment Hobbes heard a sound from one of the rear cars, looking behind him he saw another passenger. This passenger was short in comparison to Hobbes, wore a dark trench coat and glasses and had a stoic face. Hobbes' inner voice looked at this passenger and spoke to Hobbes, _"I smell trouble Hobbes. You might want to keep an eye on that guy."_ Hobbes rolled his eyes for now his inner voice was just stating the obvious, "No shit Sherlock. Who do you think he is?" Hobbes' inner voice shrugged and answered him, "_Probably a Killjoy spy or a rouge imaginary, either way best to just kill him and be done with it." _Hobbes sighed heavily, "I can't just kill him in front of Calvin. It wouldn't be right!" Hobbes' inner voice huffed, "It's your duty." he said almost screaming in his head as he began to berate Hobbes, "As an imaginary friend to Calvin and your sworn oath to the Council as the member of the Order, it's your job to keep creators safe by any means necessary." Hobbes sighed and unsheathed his claws in preparation. At that exact moment, ROAR began to launch them.

Halfway up the hill, the passenger moved up a car, obviously he was an imaginary. Hobbes turned around, prepared to face him, instead the passenger sat down in the car behind him and smiled warmly, "How's it going?" he began, "I'm Zip." Hobbes cautiously extended his paw in greeting, "Nice to meet you." Zip huffed, "You ain't goanna tell me your name?" he asked. Hobbes shook his head, "I'm sorry. Don't talk to Killjoys or anyone affiliated with em. Bad luck." Hobbes turned around, as soon as this happened, Zip pulled out a rope, wrapped it around Hobbes' neck and began strangling him.

Calvin stared at Hobbes, "Hobbes" he asked, at first not seeing his situation, then he did a double take, "Hobbes! Hang on buddy I'm coming." Calvin unstrapped himself, Hobbes stopped him with his left paw and placed him back in his seat, "Don't..." Hobbes said struggling for air, "You'll fall." Calvin shook his head, "You're going to die Hobbes. Let me help you." Zip only laughed, "Ha! So the Great Tiger is sending a little kid to fight his battles. How cute, how sad, how utterly predictable, why don't you just go home kid? Leave me to my work." The car reached the top of the hill, Calvin looked down and spoke, "ROAR" he said, "stop the car." ROAR complied and stopped the car at the top of the hill, allowing Calvin to stand up.

Zip stood up bringing Hobbes with him, no sooner did this happen, did Hobbes wrap his tail around Zip's leg and flipped him over. Calvin, in an almost unbelievable burst of agility, front flipped over Hobbes and landed on Zip's stomach. Hobbes tried to pull him off but Calvin fought back with a punch in the stomach, turning back to Zip, Calvin leaned in, "This is my world" Calvin said, "Mine? Do you understand that? No one else's! Who sent you?" Zip laughed and pushed Calvin off, almost knocking him off the car. Hobbes grabbed Calvin's hand and attempted to pull him back to safety, "Hang on man!" Hobbes cried, "I can't!" Calvin screamed, "I'm slipping." Hobbes desperately tried to get a hold of Calvin, reached for him with his other hand, but before he could Zip struck him from behind. "A message from Mister X..." Zip said as he produced a crowbar from his coat and began beating Hobbes' back, who only remained as still as possible, not daring to let go of Calvin.

"Mister X" Hobbes said, "Is that who sent you? A common thug! You've got to be kidding me!" Zip shook his head in disbelief, "X is more than a thug. He's got agents all over Wackadoo, all over the world Hobbes." Hobbes laughed sarcastically, once again trying to lift Calvin; Zip hit him again, this time harder. Hobbes' grip began to slip, in a desperate attempt; Hobbes dug his claws into Calvin's arm, causing Calvin to scream in pain, "Hobbes!" he cried, "What the hell?" Hobbes shook his head, "Sorry buddy" he said, "its goanna hurt for a bit." Zip hit Hobbes once again, this time Hobbes let out a deafening scream, only causing Zip to smile more and hit him harder, Hobbes' back began bleeding, a rib could be heard cracking, still Hobbes held on.

"Why do you resist us?" Zip continued, "Just submit. Join us Hobbes, you can become powerful. Anything that you want...women, you got it, they'll be knocking down your door wanting to get in your bed. Money, okay, you're now richer than half of the leaders of the free world combined. Power, that comes automatically." Hobbes laughed sarcastically, "I'd rather die than join a gang of psychopath freaks on a war path." Zip sighed reluctantly, "Shame. You could've been great. Are you sure?" Hobbes nodded, "I'm damned sure you sick bastard. So I guess you're just goanna have to kill us both now." Zip smiled deviously and proceeded to hit Hobbes once again, more cracking of ribs and bones could be heard as Hobbes' back was broken.

Calvin tried to pull himself off, but before he could Hobbes stopped him once more, "Don't!" Hobbes cried, "He'll kill you." Calvin shook his head, "He's going to kill you Hobbes! And I'm be damned if I'm goanna let you die on me." Hobbes smiled warmly, "You're a good kid Calvin. Don't ever change okay? Promise me that. Don't ever change." Calvin nodded, "I promise Hobbes. I ain't changing for nobody." Hobbes looked to down to his right, "I love you Calvin..." Zip hit Hobbes once again, "You're like a son to me. I want you to know that." Calvin looked up , tears were in his eyes, "Hobbes...please. Don't let g-" Before he could finish Hobbes let go, the last thing he saw was Calvin falling, landing in the safety of the passing car below.

Zip looked on as Calvin disappeared through the tunnel and to the safety of the Jessop. He stared at the bleeding dead tiger and pulled out a cell phone, "Sir. Job's done. Hobbes is dead. Yes I confirmed it, killed him myself. No sir, Calvin escaped...It will be done." Zip hung up the phone and put it back in his coat pocket. He then threw both the crowbar and Hobbes body off the side of the rollercoaster, pulled out his zipper, stepped through and disappeared.

Calvin, inside Hobbes' house sat on the couch and cried. Walter, Tamilia and Charlie were across from him, doing their best to comfort Calvin and failing. "What happened kid?" Charlie asked, controlling his emotions for Calvin's sake and not breaking down and curling up in a ball like he wanted to. "It all happened so fast" Calvin answered, "We were on ROAR, just out for a good time. Then this guy, Zip comes up and starts attacking Hobbes..." Tamilia now started to cry, realizing that Hobbes was dead. "Did he at least die well?" Walter asked sincerely, Calvin nodded, "Like a boss" he answered, "Like a damned boss Walter." Walter nodded in silent agreement, "Good. That means he'll be back." Calvin looked up; Charlie stared at Walter, "What are you talking about? Hobbes is dead." Walter shook his head, "No he isn't" Walter turned towards Calvin, "not even close."


	7. How the Times Have Changed Me

Chapter Seven

How the Times Have Changed Me

Twenty years later...

Calvin grew up just like any other kid after that. After Hobbes' death things slowly spiraled out of control. Despite Walter's words, Hobbes it seemed was truly dead; but it wasn't because Death had actually taken him but because Calvin wanted it that way. It was as if the world finally came knocking on his door and when Calvin opened it, he was greeted which the literal shit of the world.

Calvin was 30, living in upstate New York in a decent sized house with a wife and kids as a real estate agent. Calvin was rich and successful but unlike most he rarely used his money, keeping it locked away in saving funds and deep government bank vaults to only be used at a certain time for certain things. Calvin hid his wealth and he hid it well, so much so that you would think he was just a regular average citizen, which is exactly on what he wanted people to think.

Calvin drove up to his house and opened the door where he was greeted by his two kids, Grace and Will and his wife, Pam. Pam gently kissed him and spoke, "How was work today?" she asked. Calvin shrugged, "You know how work is" he answered, "boring. Full of me showing people houses and convincing them to buy Venus Fly traps." Pam pouted, "Well that's their fault for trusting you Calvin." she replied, "You can't help that people are stupid." Calvin laughed, "I'm starting to think that maybe I'm the stupid one" he answered. Grace and Will jumped up and down excitedly, "Oh Daddy" they cried in unison, "We've got someone you need to meet!" Calvin rolled his eyes and leaned down, "Can you wait until I get in the door please?" he asked gently, "I did just walk you know."

At the dinner table Grace and Will tried again, "Daddy" Grace said, "Please come upstairs." Calvin sighed, for he had just finished eating and was now looking forward to watching the football game between the Giants and the Patriots. In any case, Calvin would always cheer against the Patriots, for like many people he saw Tom Brady as the biggest douche bag in all of sports history and like many people he also hated Tom Brady for his looks and fake charm that he put on with people when really he was a big lying cheat. "What is Grace?" Calvin said as he walked over to the couch and turned on the TV, "Can't I just relax for a bit?" Grace and Will shook their heads, "This is important Daddy" they said once again in unison. Calvin stared at them curiously, "How do you guys do that? Speak in unison." Grace and Will both shrugged and headed upstairs, begging their father to follow them. Calvin, thinking that the only way he would ever find peace would be to just comply, followed his kids upstairs to their room.

Opening the bedroom door, Calvin looked around and saw nothing having completely missed Hobbes who was casually sitting on the windowsill with a cigarette in his mouth and a fedora on his head. Doing a double take, Calvin was close to fainting. "How's it going kid?" Hobbes said casually as he blew smoke out the window, "World treatin' yah alright?" Calvin began stammering and walked forward, "W-w-what are you doing here?" Hobbes turned towards Calvin and smiled, "Oh, so you can still see me "he said, "Good. I was starting to think that maybe you had turned into one of them. Rich, successful real estate guys, they may think they're immune but really they're all just a bunch of Killjoys in hiding."

Hobbes stood and walked forward, gently snubbing out his cigarette. Calvin smiled meekly, then without warning Hobbes quickly embraced him; it was so hard it almost cut off Calvin's air supply. Hobbes then began crying tears of joy unlike any that have ever been shed before, "I was worried that you've forgotten about me!" Hobbes exclaimed, breaking character and breaking down into an emotion filled, partially insane being whose only current emotion is overwhelming happiness. Calvin sighed heavily, "I did Hobbes. I did forget." Hobbes broke away and sighed, "I kinda figured that Calvin. After that day at the rollercoaster, my zipper stopped working. I-I-I couldn't get back to you. I tried, I really did. I even went to the Council to see they could help but all they managed to do was turn me away. I'm sorry Calvin. I failed you; I'm the worst friend ever." Hobbes stared out the open window and continued, "I let you down. You needed me. I was crying, every night I cried, hoping that you would hear me. But you didn't. You had become deaf. You had become one of them, a Killjoy."

Hobbes looked to his right and saw two stuffed versions of himself, lying comfortably on the bed, "You raised em right." Hobbes said as he composed, "That's good, real good." Hobbes pulled out another cigarette to control his anxiety, before he could light it however, Calvin swatted it away. "What the hell man!" Hobbes replied, "You're not smoking in my kids' room Hobbes" Calvin said sharply, "Go outside." Hobbes huffed, "You never had problem with it before, why should it bother you now?" Calvin rolled his eyes in annoyance, "I was a kid Hobbes. A stupid, irresponsible kid with nothing. I had no friends, I barely had a mother and the friends that I did have were only friends out of pity and convenience."

Hobbes stared at him in disbelief, "Does that include me?" Calvin sighed, "No Hobbes that doesn't-" Hobbes didn't hear him and continued, "Was that all I was to you? A friend of convenience? Is that all we had?" Calvin sighed heavily. Hobbes sat down next to him, for the first time Calvin noticed that Hobbes was wearing blue jeans. Hobbes noticed this and smiled gently, "It's more real down there than you think" he answered. Calvin looked around nervously, "So...how's Tamilia?" Hobbes smiled and patted Calvin's back as his answer, "I don't want to talk about me" Hobbes replied, "I wanna talk about you. I wanna get things back to the way they were." Calvin looked down, "Those days are over Hobbes. I'm married, I have kids." Hobbes nodded in understanding and stood up, moving towards the windowsill he spoke again, "I didn't come here to say goodbye anyway. I don't believe in goodbyes, you know that, or did you forget that to?" Calvin rolled his eyes and asked the million dollar question, "Then what did you come here for Hobbes?" Hobbes immediately answered him, "I came here to ask for your help." Calvin raised his eyebrows in confusion, Hobbes continued his explanation. "Wackadoo is in shambles. X has taken over everything. Soon he'll control the minds of all the children of the world. I have to stop him. I'm the only left who can. It's a long story and one that requires you to come with me. But then again, even if you didn't want to hear it, I would be forcing you to come with me. Think of this as our last hoorah."

Calvin stood up and moved towards Hobbes, "What are you talking about?" Hobbes shook his head in disappointment, "I told you." he replied, "You're just goanna have to trust me and come along." Calvin rolled his eyes; "If this is one of your games-" he began but Hobbes cut him off, "Charlie is dead. Tamilia has been kidnapped by X, Zip and that bat shit crazy Avery Johnson. Walter, Yutz and me are all that's left of your Wackadoo I'm afraid. Everything is destroyed." Calvin sighed in disbelief, "How did this happen?" he asked, even more confused than before. Hobbes gave him a straight answer, "When you stopped caring. This happened because you grew up too fast. At age thirteen you forgot about me completely. It was March 10th, about seventeen years ago. I remember. I celebrated your birthday alone. You either refused to bring me back or you didn't care. I watched you Calvin, I've been watching you. Your whole life has been mine. Everything that you did, I felt" Hobbes pointed to his chest, "In here." Hobbes began pacing around the room, eventually finding himself in front of a small dresser on the right wall. "I was trapped in Wackadoo" Hobbes continued, "which normally isn't a bad thing but when you take in account that an imaginary friend, me, was separated from his owner. I was basically dead. But I was dead because you wanted it that way. Why? Why did you want me dead?" Calvin moved towards the door, he wanted to leave before he could get trapped by Hobbes' questions but it was too late. "Answer me Calvin" Hobbes demanded, "Why did you want me dead?" To this Calvin had no answer.

Calvin turned the handle on the doorknob, Hobbes repeated his question, this time louder and more urgently, "Why did you want me dead Calvin?" Calvin turned around and sighed, giving his answer, "I grew up. Just like anybody else. It happens Hobbes. Sometimes you don't want it to but it happens. It doesn't matter for you, because you can live forever. You don't have to be tied to me, you can choose to do that. But sooner or later Hobbes we have to grow up. We can't keep living our lives in a fantasy world where everything is okay. Because nothing is ever okay." Hobbes smiled and shook his head, "That's why there's such a thing as fantasy" the tiger responded, "for without fantasy. Without imagination, the world would be a very boring place, full of boring people doing absolutely nothing. Is that what you want? What you want for you, for your wife, for your children? Do you want them to grow up and live in a world doing the same old thing, the same routine? Never being able to experience anything, never being able to say that they did something worthwhile so that when they die they can go without any regrets and say that they have lived a good life, one that will be remembered throughout history, is that what you want for your family?" Calvin gave a long and heavy sigh, it was full of doubt and a willing suspension of belief, "No Hobbes" he answered, "I don't want that." Hobbes walked forward and removed Calvin's hand from the doorknob, "Then come with me" Hobbes said, "Come with me and fix this. Who cares if the times have changed us? We're still the same on the inside! We're the ones who make the changes. We're the ones with pen, all we have to do is put it to paper. So what do you say? Shall we finish this the way we started?"

Calvin shook his head, "I can't believe I'm letting you talk me into this." Hobbes smiled and waved his hand in the air, the signal for Walter to open the portal to Wackadoo Land, "I can't believe you're letting me" Hobbes replied, "I was sure that was goanna fail." Calvin stepped through, at that moment, Will and Grace entered the room. Calvin looked at them, his face stricken with horror, Hobbes acted fast and grabbed them, throwing both Will and Grace into the zipper running inside before Calvin could throw them back out just as Walter closed the portal.


End file.
